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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

If we start flirting now, we could be in matching pajamas on a Christmas card before the holidays.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

It’s a good thing when your therapist sits down with a bucket of popcorn, right?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Can I come over and figure you out?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,465

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

“No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

Just shared via WeChat:

Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

Going viral on Telegram:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

Spotted on Instagram:

I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.

Just shared via Threads:

People who work in retail should be allowed to slap a customer or two each Christmas, as a little treat.

Just shared via X:

Unfortunately for everyone, I will keep doing whatever I want.

Just shared via Discord:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

Making waves on Threads:

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

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They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.
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Commentary:
Still waiting for that time therapy to kick in! ⏰🙄😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Instagram this month:

The sexual tension when everyone arrives at a 4-way stop at the same time.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

80 shares on X this month:

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

Patience is for beginners. I’d rather freak out straight away!

56 shares on Discord this month:

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“Your password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Multitask? I can barely unitask.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people believe the appendix is a vestigial organ, that its use has long since passed. I think it’s primordial. Its use has yet to come.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You are closer to the street than you will ever be to any billionaire.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,490

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

No one buys my theory that red fire hydrants are filled with ketchup and yellow fire hydrants are filled with mustard.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Hate all political parties and you’ll never be disappointed.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

The reason most of us stay up late is because we don’t want our free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

My favorite pirate song is “Aye of the Tiger”

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

You do not have to prove your own humanity to others. Unless it’s a captcha.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

No one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying).

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Don’t bother telling me where you’re from, I have no geographical knowledge and no sense of direction.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Going viral on Threads:

Be gentle with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Trending via WeChat:

I remember when asking someone if they were on X meant something completely different.

Just shared via Facebook:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Trending via Reddit:

I go to tattoo parlors and trick them into shaving my leg for me, and then leave.

Just shared via X:

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

Just shared via Twitch:

Why do babies stare at you like they know you from somewhere?

Just landed via Instagram:

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

Just shared via Slack:

When I was a kid, I thought cicadas were the sound sunshine makes when it’s real hot outside.

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