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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

People who don’t like pickles are so important because they give me their pickles.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,822

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

Trending via Discord:

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

Seen just now on Slack:

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

Just shared via Pinterest:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

Trending via Slack:

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

Spotted on TikTok:

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

Trending via Messenger:

Y’all ever feel like your mouth is stupid but your mind is smart? Like you’re intelligent but you can’t express it when you’re speaking? It’s so frustrating.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When you snooze, you lose. But when you nappy, you're snappy! 😴😂 #SleepWins"

happiness, happy, humor, i, lose, nap, proverb, relaxation, rest, say, sleep, snooze, take

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

0

2 months ago

back, days, dinosaurs, exercise, good, good old days, humor, just, naturally, nature, nostalgia, old, prehistoric, running, toenails, trim
Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

0

2 months ago

anything, doing, hate, humor, lose, losing, motivation, procrastination, things
My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

0

2 months ago

admission, future, help, humor, i, just, me, mean, mistake, panic, question, relationship, wife
Love Island is fun, but when is Job Island on?

0

2 months ago

dating, fun, humor, island, job, Job Island, joke, love, Love Island, reality, reality TV, TV, work
I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

0

2 months ago

afterlife, connection, free, funny idea, gravestone, humor, idea, me, people, social, social connection, technology, visit, wifi
People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

0

2 months ago

comedy, deserve, found, grammar, guilty, humor, law, people, punctuation, sentence, writing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Telegram this month:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

49 shares on Instagram this month:

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

Everyone is using AI to write business emails, texts, etc. At this point in time, we may as well just tell our AIs to talk to each other and then let us know what kind of deal they worked out.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

56 shares on X this month:

Billion dollar technology idea: A printer that works.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

32 shares on Twitch this month:

Headache pro-tip: Bang your toe into something.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Someone needs to make an app for a Tamagotchi that you keep alive by going offline.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

I have no prime. I will evolve till I die.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

God invented war so that Americans can learn geography.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

My shadow quit because I’m too boring.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Smart people are like huskies. If you don’t give them an interesting problem, they become an interesting problem.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

Live now on YouTube:

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

Spotted on Messenger:

Odd people reviewing a dessert: It’s not too sweet which is what I like.

Live now on Twitch:

Body: Okay, sleepy time. Brain: Okay, thinky time.

Shared recently on TikTok:

“Do you like the Microsoft Teams app?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Making waves on Pinterest:

I hate it when my AirPods die instead of me.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Broadcasted on Threads:

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

Trending via Messenger:

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

Love Island is fun, but when is Job Island on?

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨