Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

They did so well traumatizing us about teen pregnancy, I’m still traumatized as an adult.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

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I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

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I don’t have any generational wealth but I did inherit a great spaghetti sauce recipe.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?