Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Why can’t people be tested like watermelons? You tap them on the head and find out whether they are normal or bad.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

No one shoots at your feet and tells you to dance anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

The lion can’t keep living like this.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,698

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Going viral on Discord:

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

Going bananas on Threads:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

Just shared via Messenger:

It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.

Just landed via Messenger:

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

Spotted on Facebook:

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
That onion's not the only thing making me tear up! 😂🧅😢

chopping, cooking, crying, emotion, food, food preparation, humor, onion, onions, preparation, thinking, while

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus, it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

0

5 months ago

around, clothing, cozy, cozy clothing, dryer, fresh, fun, funny habit, game, guess, guessing, guessing game, habit, humor, i, laundromat, laundry, love, plus, putting, underwear, warm, warm underwear
“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

0

2 months ago

admission, admit, afraid, bad, bad decision, daily, daily life, decision, example, good, house, humor, i, idea, irony, leave, leaving, leaving house, life, mistake, self-deprecation, terrible, thought, today, wrong
Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

0

2 months ago

glasses, humor, iPhone, lane, lois, Lois Lane, me, nickname, recognition, technology, vision
Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time.

0

5 days ago

detox, digital, digital detox, drink, health, humor, hydration, limit, me, please, reminder, screen, screen time, self-care, someone, technology, time, water
Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

0

2 months ago

day, day off, enjoyment, free, free time, fun, i, leisure, love, much, next, no work, oh, relaxation, Sunday, time, weekend, work
I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

0

2 months ago

aggression, fact, facts, grudge, grudges, hold, humor, i, just, memory, remember, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Reddit this month:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

14 shares on WeChat this month:

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

37 shares on Instagram this month:

I’d pretend to care about football for you.

31 shares on Discord this month:

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

56 shares on Reddit this month:

God, is there anything worse than when someone wants to show you a video?

78 shares on Facebook this month:

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

58 shares on Slack this month:

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I remember sex. That was cool.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Twitter is the most fun you can have on the toilet.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Why do babies cry when they are tired? Like, just go to sleep, bro, no one is stopping you.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Dance like nobody’s watching, except God, the NSA, and Santa Claus.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” and then go and curse your whole bloodline.

Live now on Threads:

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

Going viral on Snapchat:

The difference between coffee and your opinion is that I asked for coffee.

Going bananas on X:

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

Breaking via Threads:

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

Trending via Facebook:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

Shared recently on Messenger:

The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Seen just now on X:

Third wheeling with two girls who are best friends is so much worse than third wheeling a couple.

Going viral on Reddit:

Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now they’re concerned for my mental health.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus, it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time.

Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨