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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, Eat cake.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

It’s our first time on Earth, so why are you a life coach?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,527

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

Going bananas on Telegram:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

You know the nap is good when it left you marks.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

Seen just now on Slack:

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

Going viral on WeChat:

We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

Going viral on Instagram:

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When the agenda is just two people slapping each other with spreadsheets! 🥊😂📈"

conflict, fight, fist, fist fight, frustration, humor, meeting, sarcasm, workplace

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

0

2 months ago

acting, creativity, humor, i, joke, life, ly, me, moment, movie, never, self-deprecation, someone, told, weight
I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

0

2 months ago

away, believe, comedy, days, ex-wife, having, humor, i, joke, nuclear, nuclear weapon, relationship, sarcasm, weapon
My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

0

2 months ago

better, body, body confidence, confidence, humor, just, lighting, self-deprecating, summer, summer body, winter, winter body
Things I hate about group work: The group.

0

2 months ago

collaboration, frustration, group, group work, hate, humor, i, sarcasm, teamwork, things, work
Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

0

2 months ago

communication, damage, humor, i, joke, psychic, sarcasm
That moment when you realize “yeah, this person is never gonna hear from me again” is so crazy.

0

2 months ago

again, crazy, hear, me, moment, never, person, realization, realize

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on TikTok this month:

Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

38 shares on X this month:

The only function of a middle name is so a child can assess how much danger they’re in.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

40 shares on Telegram this month:

I told ChatGPT about us.

72 shares on Twitch this month:

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

24 shares on Threads this month:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

56 shares on Discord this month:

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

Limiting my replies to introverts, wizards, freaks and vampires only.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

There is no physical evidence to say that today is Tuesday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one ever.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Girl, if the moon can block the sun, then you can definitely block your ex.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Way too many low IQ conspiracy theories floating around. Give me high IQ conspiracy theories.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

They should invent a Twitter where the timeline doesn’t refresh against your will.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Nothing worse than realising you vented to the wrong person.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

Going viral on Instagram:

Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

Just shared via Instagram:

Jealous that my phone can just die for a little while.

Trending via Discord:

Panties is such a weird word. Panties. I can’t say it sexy.

Trending via Pinterest:

Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

Just shared via X:

I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

Shared recently on Slack:

I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

Things I hate about group work: The group.

Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

That moment when you realize “yeah, this person is never gonna hear from me again” is so crazy.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨