This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

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Always be kind. You never know who might own a hot tub.

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This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

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You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

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Ramen is just anime spaghetti.

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Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

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My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

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Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

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It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.

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I found a box of VHS tapes. I’m a bit nervous about the one that has the label torn off.

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Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.