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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Your problems are neither sexual nor spiritual, they are gastrointestinal.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

(While my wife opens up her Christmas present) Remember when you said we needed milk?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

“Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” Cool, I dislike both of those things.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,695

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

Trending via Facebook:

Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Trying to watch a superhero movie without stressing about the infrastructure damage to the city.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

Shared recently on X:

Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

Just landed via Threads:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

Live now on Messenger:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

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Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.
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Commentary:
Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving! 🙃⏰✨

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on TikTok this month:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

83 shares on Slack this month:

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

49 shares on Slack this month:

I’m like a semicolon, most people don’t know what to do with me.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

My brain is 80% song lyrics.

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

10 shares on TikTok this month:

My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

58 shares on Twitch this month:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The way my phone’s facial recognition pretends not to recognize me, you’d think I dated it.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to think money is everything. I still think money is everything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,587

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Unlocking new levels of iron deficiency.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Halloween is over and most people just keep on being creepy.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

Seen just now on Threads:

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

Going bananas on Slack:

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

Making waves on Threads:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Just landed via Slack:

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

Just landed via Threads:

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

Trending via Discord:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

Breaking via Threads:

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

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