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Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Doing an hour of self-care after 23 hours of self-destruction.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Social media is a great way to make new enemies.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Just remembered why I went upstairs yesterday.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

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15,753

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Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

Going viral on Instagram:

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

Seen just now on Slack:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Seen just now on WeChat:

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

Just landed via YouTube:

Shaved my entire body for this post, just in case.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Twitter is the only place you argue with CEOs and heads of states while sleeping in the kitchen.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

Just landed via Discord:

People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?

Trending via TikTok:

That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text celebrating social success as an Ironman, humorously highlighting busy weekend socializing.

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Commentary:
"Who needs a grueling Ironman when you can conquer the challenge of consecutive social gatherings?! 🎉🏊‍♂️🚴‍♂️🏃‍♂️🥂 #SocialButterfly"

3, achievement, activity, announce, announcement, celebration, days, event, fun, fun activity, gathering, gatherings, i, Ironman, social, social gathering, thrill, thrilled, weekend

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Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

85 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

36 shares on Discord this month:

If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

This year I’d like an advent calendar with 24 different tranquilizers.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m done with self-care. Time to learn some spells.

66 shares on Slack this month:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

56 shares on WeChat this month:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Rappers be making you feel guilty for no reason at all: “You was in the house eating dinner while I was in the streets hungry”. Like my fault, bro.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

My husband is trying to convince me that we’re in a situationship. “The situation is that we live in the same house and love each other.”

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’m going to hell in every religion.

Trending via Snapchat:

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

Live now on Messenger:

Why is sugar SO addictive, and broccoli is just like, “I’ll be here when you need me”

Trending via WhatsApp:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

Breaking via Pinterest:

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

Going bananas on Discord:

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

Shared recently on Messenger:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

Trending via YouTube:

Felony Vandalism is a beautiful name for a girl.

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Activity Log ✨

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

When people say something is cray-cray it makes me wanna vom-vom.

Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

Switching between brainrot and deep intellectual talks is a skill that only a few acquire.

Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

When people say something is cray-cray it makes me wanna vom-vom.

Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

I get so embarrassed for no reason after posting on social media, like, why am I showing my life?

Switching between brainrot and deep intellectual talks is a skill that only a few acquire.

Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨