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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Breaking news: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I’m intermittent fasting, so I have to finish this cake really quick before 6 pm.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

353 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,622

Funny Quotes Topics

17,673

Funny Quotes Images

15,622

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,273

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Just worked out for 2 hours straight and 1 hour gay.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’m cold! That’s not goose bumps anymore, that’s woodchip wallpaper.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

A degree in international law is about as real as a degree in Dothraki.

Just shared via YouTube:

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

Just landed via Threads:

The most important meal of the day is the next one.

Spotted on Facebook:

According to this box of macaroni and cheese, I am an entire family.

Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.

Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess my nose is just part of the home team 🤷‍♂️🏠👃

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

43 shares on Slack this month:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

82 shares on Reddit this month:

Many men also have a walk-in closet. For them, it’s just called a floor.

66 shares on Slack this month:

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

Do you also sometimes turn on the TV just so you have background noise or am I weird?

82 shares on YouTube this month:

Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

36 shares on Discord this month:

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

How does a government that takes 40% of everyone’s money end up being trillions in debt?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I saw an ad for the ultimate dog bed, but my dogs already have the ultimate dog bed. It’s called my bed.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

353 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,622

Funny Quotes Topics

17,673

Funny Quotes Images

15,622

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,664

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Maybe I died of Covid in 2020, and this is hell.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

Spotted on Pinterest:

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

Shared recently on X:

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Just shared via Instagram:

I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying.

Just shared via TikTok:

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I have two reactions when I leave the house: Ew, the people. Ew, the weather.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

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