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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I love having plans to cancel.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

I think airplanes would be way cooler if the wings flapped like a bird.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

4,040

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

Live now on Messenger:

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

Broadcasted on X:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Spotted on Slack:

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

Spotted on Discord:

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Just remember, you don’t need a special reason to buy a cake.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
A true act of modern heroism—next up, conquering the VHS tape rewind pile! 🚀📼😆

AOL, canceled, control, humor, internet, joke, life, life control, procrastination, self-improvement, subscription, technology, today

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

1 month ago
attitude, dark, dark humor, here, humor, irony, joy, just, little, mood, optimism, positivity, resilience, spread, trying, while, world, wrong
Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

1 month ago
am, ever, evidence, growth, humor, i, irony, journaling, most, only, personal, personal growth, self-reflection, still, suffering, thing, useless, writing
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

1 month ago
conversation, humor, i, interruption, marriage, relationship, want, wife
Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

1 month ago
around, autumn, fashion, humor, men, run, seasons, summer, winter, women
Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

1 month ago
baby, bite, glasses, humor, i, know, nose, parenting, reputation, where
If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

1 month ago
broke, funny situation, house, humor, joke, just, laugh, money, robber, search, situation

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Blowing over it is also dusting.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Being quiet in a room full of loud people is my favorite sport.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

How many sit-ups do I have to do before I get a six-pack? Please say 5.

Going viral on Discord:

I used to be cool and now I say things like “It’s so loud in here, I can’t hear myself think”.

Shared recently on WeChat:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Sorry, my face wasn’t created to hide that much distain for what you’re saying.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

Freshly posted on X:

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Seen just now on Messenger:

A moth is just a butterfly with glasses and its hair up.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Sitting in an antique chair is weird, like this thing has seen so many butts.

AI is that friend who is always there for you but gives terrible advice.

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

I believe that emails are trying to tell us something.

I travel like I’m rich, then eat like I’m broke.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

There are people who have a favourite colour, and there are people whose favourite colour is purple. These are very different things. Purple fans are different creatures.

Accepting you’re about to throw up, gotta be the worst feeling on God’s green earth.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

Maybe in another universe, I punched him in the face instead of staying quiet.

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

I support robot taxis. How else are robots supposed to get around?

Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

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Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Share Wordgag 🙏