Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Facebook is like a never-ending high school reunion.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Having a job ruined my life.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,916

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Blink if you want me!

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Making waves on Snapchat:

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

Trending via YouTube:

At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

Shared recently on X:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

4 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess my car just wanted a little less "All I Want for Christmas" and a bit more "Silent Night"! 🚗🔧🎄

car, car repair, carey, cd, Christmas, Christmas CD, fine, holiday, holiday music, making, mariah, Mariah Carey, mechanic, music, noise, repair, terrible

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

0

2 months ago

always, bottle, cheap, drinking, family, hosting, house, humor, i, visit, wine
The audacity of someone being in the store aisle I want to go down.

0

1 month ago

aisle, audacity, frustration, humor, i, peeve, pet, pet peeve, shopping, someone, store, want
I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

0

2 months ago

battle, debate, humor, i, opinion, performance, person, politics, presidential, rap, should
All of my problems boil down to me being bad at being alive.

0

1 month ago

alive, bad, being, boil, existential, humor, life, me, problems, self-reflection, struggles
Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

0

1 month ago

attractiveness, being, confidence, great, hotter, humor, just, life, problem, problems, unfortunately
Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

0

2 months ago

ban, body, body part, gross, handshake, humor, interaction, naked, norm, parts, should, social, social norm, together, touch, world

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Facebook this month:

Somebody somewhere today don’t know it’s their last day with all 10 fingers.

62 shares on Slack this month:

Guys will say, “I know a spot,” and then take you on a downward spiral.

62 shares on X this month:

Everyone’s a badass until the doorbell rings.

33 shares on TikTok this month:

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

39 shares on Threads this month:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

81 shares on Slack this month:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

Having a job ruined my life.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

Practicing how I’m gonna explain to the aliens that baseline and Vaseline do not sound the same.

28 shares on Slack this month:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, begging for my cat’s attention.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Bit strange that the same culture is responsible for both kissing and onion soup. You’d think they’d be incompatible.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

Spotted on Slack:

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Adulting looked way more affordable in the 90’s. I feel scammed.

Just shared via Threads:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

Live now on Reddit:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

Just shared via YouTube:

Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

Just landed via TikTok:

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

The audacity of someone being in the store aisle I want to go down.

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

All of my problems boil down to me being bad at being alive.

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨