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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¦ has viewed:

If you send a man to war today, he’s gonna go there and take dark exposure aesthetic pics.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ύ has copied:

To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡¦ has shared:

If i say β€œmorning!” to you, it does not mean β€œgood morning”, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡© has viewed:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡³ has copied:

Making dinner with my left hand, so it feels like someone else is doing it.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡ͺ has copied:

I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch will get sad.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡² has shared:

That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡­ has shared:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¬ has viewed:

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

356 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,625

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,625

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,317

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I like to notice patterns and do nothing about it.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I really thought adulthood would be 50% freedom and 50% fun. Turns out it’s 100% bills.

Just shared via Threads:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Why do moths eat sweaters? Have they tried sandwiches or avocados?

Going viral on Threads:

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Breaking via Reddit:

Is anyone else really scared for how stupid and illiterate the next generations are gonna be?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Unsolicited sandwich pics.

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess my car just wanted a little less "All I Want for Christmas" and a bit more "Silent Night"! πŸš—πŸ”§πŸŽ„

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Discord this month:

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by saying they look tired.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

Golf is a great way to learn all of the new curse words your subconscious has been cooking up in the lab.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Аbsolutely crazy to thΡ–nk that Leonardo DΡ–CaprΡ–o’s future gΡ–rlfrΡ–end Ρ–s currently nervous for her fΡ–rst day of kΡ–ndergarten.

69 shares on Facebook this month:

Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

86 shares on Discord this month:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

27 shares on TikTok this month:

I’ve got 50 minutes to make it look like I’ve been flossing for the last 6 months.

33 shares on X this month:

The word β€˜stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan β€˜Dennis’? We could be saying, β€œI dennis Beyonce.”

37 shares on TikTok this month:

You will watch an old classic movie that kind of sucks. Then, on the IMDb trivia, it says, this was the first time a film director ever pointed the camera at the sun.

19 shares on Threads this month:

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

54 shares on Threads this month:

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

Trending Topics πŸ“

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Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

β€œI can’t possibly lose this if I put it here” I say to myself before completely forgetting where here is.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I admire the audacity of beavers, they just move to a new area and say “screw the neighbors, imma put a lake here”.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

356 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,625

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,625

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,630

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡­ has copied:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡· has shared:

Turns out, college is all about forming unspoken, powerful bonds with people you talk to twice.

Someone from πŸ‡ΆπŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡² has downloaded:

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ί has shared:

Life hack: You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¬ has copied:

The dopamine hit of getting an Outlook meeting cancellation is unrivaled.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡΄ has downloaded:

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦ has shared:

The man who invented autocorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just shared via WeChat:

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

Just landed via Reddit:

β€œYou smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

Trending via Snapchat:

Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Live now on Snapchat:

Patience is for beginners. I’d rather freak out straight away!

Making waves on Snapchat:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Just shared via Discord:

Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

Just shared via Twitch:

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

Freshly posted on Slack:

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

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