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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

AirPods are hungry for earwax. It’s your job to feed them.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought putting your heart and soul into a relationship would make it work.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite gas station now.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

You should be able to like an email instead of replying to it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,478

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

Making waves on X:

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

Just shared via Slack:

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

Just shared via Messenger:

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

Trending via Instagram:

Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

Seen just now on Slack:

Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

Just shared via Slack:

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

Going viral on WeChat:

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

Seen just now on Messenger:

That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The secret to a clean home? Never let your husband or children in.

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Witty quote about fixing a noisy car by removing Mariah Carey’s Christmas CD for humor.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess my car just wanted a little less "All I Want for Christmas" and a bit more "Silent Night"! 🚗🔧🎄

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Reddit this month:

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

25 shares on TikTok this month:

Pro tip: Avoid the news for a couple of days and have some fun.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

46 shares on Threads this month:

I do believe TikTok saves the funniest videos for late at night. There’s no way.

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

People who don’t like pickles are so important because they give me their pickles.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t, holding a grudge.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,573

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Why do moths eat sweaters? Have they tried sandwiches or avocados?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

I say “long story short,” and suddenly we’re in Act III with an intermission.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Flirting is easy until you have to flirt with the person you like.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

Ok, I cheated in school, but I did it the hard way and without AI.

Just shared via Threads:

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

The lioness does not concern herself with the pile of clothes she moves between bed and chair every day.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

Live now on X:

The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

Just landed via Facebook:

Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, a practice we still continue to do today on the Internet.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Everything is a sign from God if you’re schizophrenic enough.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

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