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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

A murder on the dance floor would explain the panic! at the disco.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Why can’t I cry money instead of tears?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I don’t understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can’t remember why I walked into the kitchen.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,695

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

Just landed via Slack:

Ears are great for tucking your hair behind in the wind. Big shout out to ears.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Just landed via WeChat:

I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

Breaking via Twitch:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Dating me is super easy. I text you at 8; you reply at 8:00:01.

Live now on Pinterest:

I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3 a.m., coming back from the club.

Making waves on Instagram:

The worst person you know is in therapy right now, being told they need to put themselves first.

Just landed via Instagram:

Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

Live now on X:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

Twitter is like a psych ward with no staff.

3 days ago

Funny Quotes

Clever, humorous text comparing Twitter to a chaotic, understaffed psych ward.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Twitter: where everyone's thoughts are on display, but sanity is nowhere to be found! 🐦🤪 #BirdsOfAFeather #CrazyTweets"

commentary, community, health, humor, media, mental, mental health, online, online community, psych, psych ward, social, social media, staff, Twitter, ward

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You’re so cultured I’mma start calling you Yogurt.

2 days ago

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Someone called me strict today, and that means a lot to me because I’m a recovering people pleaser.

2 weeks ago

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Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

3 days ago

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Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

9 hours ago

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My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

2 weeks ago

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Why do men always think “looking for fun” means sex? Wat if I want us to draw?

1 week ago

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Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

Got so emotional thinking about the Toy Story aliens. They have each other.

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

92 shares on Telegram this month:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whoever’s praying on my downfall, I appreciate you thinking of me.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

22 shares on Reddit this month:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

75 shares on X this month:

Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

59 shares on Discord this month:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Having a crush on someone as an adult feels like a humiliation ritual.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Anyone who says there are no stupid questions is welcome to drop by my office. My colleagues will prove you wrong.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Are there any medium rappers? They’re always Big or Lil.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

The real morning people are the ones that wake up to call radio stations.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

Trending via YouTube:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Seen just now on X:

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I actually think my version of the lyrics makes more sense.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

“What do you do for a living?” I do my best.

Live now on WeChat:

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I know which nation I like best. Hibernation.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Shared recently on Discord:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and retweet if you agree.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Twitter is like a psych ward with no staff.

Keep the laugh going 😂

You’re so cultured I’mma start calling you Yogurt.

Someone called me strict today, and that means a lot to me because I’m a recovering people pleaser.

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

Why do men always think “looking for fun” means sex? Wat if I want us to draw?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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