Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Booked an escape room but just to get away from everyone. No plans of escaping.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Sure, you can invite more people to the plans we made 2 months ago. The more, the merrier. Also, I’m not going now.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

298 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,567

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,567

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,681

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.

Just landed via Instagram:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

Going viral on Discord:

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

Just landed via Twitch:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

Making waves on Telegram:

Andrew Tate is what you’d get if Axe body spray gained consciousness.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

Just shared via YouTube:

Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

Spotted on X:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

Making waves on TikTok:

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

Umbrellas are great if you only want to get wet sideways.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Getting drenched vertically is soooo last season 🌧️☔😅

comedy, great, humor, joke, only, rain, sarcastic, umbrella, want, weather, wet

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

2 months ago

28, 28 Days, apocalypse, Britain, comedy, days, exist, handle, hilarious, humor, idea, independence, international, own, rest, satire, saw, series, world, zombie
I hate how everything is organic now. I miss chemicals.

2 months ago

chemicals, everything, food, hate, humor, i, irony, lifestyle, miss, nostalgia, organic, preferences
This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

4 months ago

being, chair, danger, frustration, humor, pistol, play, political, political humor, presidency, toddler, watching
I can keep my mouth shut, but you can read the subtitles on my face.

2 months ago

communication, emotion, expression, face, face reading, facial, facial expression, honesty, humor, i, keep, mouth, read, reading, sarcasm, shut, subtitles
I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

2 months ago

humor, moment, motivation, perfect, perfect moment, procrastination, self-improvement, stop, timing, waiting
The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

2 months ago

afraid, balloon, bond, character, conductor, hat, humor, james, James Bond, movie, next, quirky, should, train, train conductor, weird

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on WeChat this month:

Does anyone know the password to my work computer? Or how to do my job?

34 shares on YouTube this month:

I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

51 shares on Threads this month:

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

Don’t date coworkers. Being the hot coworker nobody at work has a chance with is always the best role to play.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

93 shares on Threads this month:

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I am the opposite of artificial intelligence. I am authentic stupidity.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

Spotted on Threads:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

Spotted on X:

Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Men be like, “I’m sexually attracted to you as a friend.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Airports are the perfect place to see people who are experiencing their first day on Earth.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

Trending via Facebook:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.

Making waves on Messenger:

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Umbrellas are great if you only want to get wet sideways.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

I hate how everything is organic now. I miss chemicals.

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

I can keep my mouth shut, but you can read the subtitles on my face.

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨