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Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

It’s almost time to pack away the black summer clothes and unpack the black winter clothes.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Girl talk is my favorite. You go from discussing goals to talking about shoes, to hating men, to planning a trip in six minutes.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

Breaking via Messenger:

Handsome, you better get to the point, my beer buzz is starting to wear off.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

Making waves on Discord:

I really thought adulthood would be 50% freedom and 50% fun. Turns out it’s 100% bills.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Going viral on TikTok:

I have a lot to offer! Most of it’s bad, but it’s still a lot.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

My life coach traded me.

Making waves on Telegram:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about a humorous paper towel habit, playful and amusing in tone.

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Commentary:
"Who knew paper towels could be a status symbol? 💸🧻 Just imagine the envy at the posh paper towel parties! ✨😂 #FancyAbsorbency"

habit, humor, i, irony, lifestyle, much, paper, paper towel, self-deprecation, towel, unfortunately, wealth, woman

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39 shares on TikTok this month:

Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

Drinking a beer alone with terrible posture.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

The nerve of a majority of people I meet being younger than me. How dare them?

34 shares on Facebook this month:

Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, “SCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.

79 shares on X this month:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

I let my girl wear whatever because you’re staring, and I’m hittin’ that.

82 shares on Instagram this month:

The people who “don’t have time” and the people who “always find time” have the same amount of time.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

A selfie only a mother could like.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Are you a software update, because not now!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

If Halloween is over, then why am I still scared?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

“What fresh hell is this?“ It’s actually the same hell as yesterday. Not fresh at all, really.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

When I was a little kid, I used to think, “This little pig went to market,” meant it was going shopping!

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

Chill, folks, it’s just a simulation.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Wow, you did such a great job clicking in your little spreadsheets today. Super proud of you.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Just landed via Discord:

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Freshly posted on Threads:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Making waves on X:

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

Just shared via Messenger:

The potholes in my city will change your radio station and unlock the doors.

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Activity Log ✨

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

I’m not just a pretty face, I’m also a massive disappointment to my family.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

Keep the laugh going 😂

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

I’m not just a pretty face, I’m also a massive disappointment to my family.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨