Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

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The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

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My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

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You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

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Felony Vandalism is a beautiful name for a girl.

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Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

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It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

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I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

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“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

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If I was God, I would’ve equipped women with venom glands.

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Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.