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Commentary:
"Finally, a politician who knows the real issues at stake 🍫🙅‍♂️ Who needs a balanced budget when you can have half the calories in chocolate?! 😜 Vote for a sweeter, lighter future! 🗳️🍫 #ChocoPolitics"

calory, chocolate, diet, election, humor, i, me, politics, promise, vote

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26 shares on Facebook this month:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

88 shares on Messenger this month:

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Glory hole but for forehead kisses.

39 shares on Facebook this month:

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

32 shares on Reddit this month:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

63 shares on Instagram this month:

Vote for me, I’ll cut the alphabet in half.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

31 shares on Slack this month:

Sorry for levitating at the end of your bed all night, I just think you’re really cute.

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Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

If I can’t wash dishes to your album, it ain’t that fire.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

The dumbest thing about YouTube ads is how they seem to think that I’m a moron.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Please continue to leave me out of the loop.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I buy candles like I’m preparing for a Victorian blackout.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

There’s poetry in walking away without closing the door too loud.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Shared recently on Telegram:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Just shared via X:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

Going viral on Facebook:

Welcome to your 40s. You now pay for 7 streaming services, only use 4 and can’t remember the password to any of them.

Going bananas on X:

A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

Seen just now on Slack:

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

Trending via Threads:

My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.

Breaking via Threads:

“Nobody wants to work anymore!” Personally, I have never wanted to work.

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Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

I fall in love with a song and play it until I absolutely don’t wanna hear it no more.

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

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Wordgag ツ

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Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

I fall in love with a song and play it until I absolutely don’t wanna hear it no more.

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

Aging isn’t even 1% as scary as whatever is going on with the people trying not to.

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