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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

According to the web, caffeine deficiency is a life threatening condition for people around you.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Being alive and sentient has been the worst thing to have ever happened to me.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

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Updated

Jan 19, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

Spotted on Messenger:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Making waves on Telegram:

Born to be a Jedi spinning a lightsaber, forced to work full-time and pay rent.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.

Spotted on Discord:

Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

Going viral on Reddit:

I miss the days when “What’s for dinner” wasn’t my problem.

Seen just now on Discord:

Sausage might clog my arteries, but it lubricates my soul.

Going viral on X:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

4 weeks ago

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Commentary:
I think I've reached level 10 in time travel with this holiday limbo! ⏳🧐🎉

31st, Christmas, countdown, date, December, end, end of year, holiday, humor, new, new year, period, time, time period, void, year

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23 shares on Discord this month:

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

22 shares on YouTube this month:

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

26 shares on X this month:

An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

92 shares on Facebook this month:

My daughter says I’m making it up! Do you remember having to carry a quarter for the payphone, just in case?

78 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

10 shares on TikTok this month:

Telling her parents you creampie her daily is socially unacceptable. But telling them you’re trying for a baby is a cause for celebration.

49 shares on Slack this month:

Maybe your baby is crying because he knows you don’t have rizz.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Living solo: where pants are optional, and snacks are unlimited.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Kendrick inspires me to be a bigger, deeper, more passionate hater.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I have no issue with people talking in the morning. But not with me, please!

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Haunted house idea: a poorly lit Walmart littered with people you haven’t seen since high school.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

I’m not falling for it again. These missions have been successful 8 times already.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Source? It was revealed to me on a walk.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

Making waves on Slack:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Just landed via TikTok:

Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

Spotted on Telegram:

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Your 20s are for trying soup, making new soups, and discussing soup or soup related topics.

Just landed via TikTok:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

Trending via Slack:

You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

Making waves on Telegram:

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

Smoking weed and watching music videos as the hangout is a lost art.

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

I had a dream about you. You were stupid there, too.

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

Keep the laugh going 😂

Smoking weed and watching music videos as the hangout is a lost art.

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

I had a dream about you. You were stupid there, too.

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨