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The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

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What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

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One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

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Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

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My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

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The best time to visit Japan is when you have money!

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If you hide the Easter eggs while you’re drunk, nobody knows where they are.

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As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

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I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

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How do I un-know people?