Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

(guy who’s not even that into you) I love you.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

That moment when you’re reading but realize you forgot to understand.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

My weight loss journey is just the three hours in between meals.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,367

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

I will play my favorite song until the artist comes out of my phone to ask for water.

Live now on Pinterest:

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

Seen just now on Telegram:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Just shared via Telegram:

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

Live now on Threads:

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Live now on Slack:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When making big plans means deciding which comfy pajamas to wear tonight 😂🛌🎉

40s, adult, adult life, aging, big, humor, life, night, plans, tonight, welcome

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

0

2 months ago

caffeine, coffee, dinosaur, dinosaurs, extinction, humor, irony, prehistoric
It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

0

2 months ago

bed, Facebook, Instagram, Netflix, social media, Twitter
Using Indeed feels like being an ugly guy on a dating app.

0

2 months ago

app, being, dating, dating app, feeling, feeling insecure, feels, guy, humor, hunt, insecure, job, job hunt, job search, online, online dating, search, self-esteem, ugly, using
April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

0

2 months ago

April, cocaine, house, humor, joke, mischief, prank, sugar, trick
Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

0

6 months ago

bite, dating, humor, insect, joke, match, me, mosquito, right, seems, swipe
I took the road less traveled. Where am I?

0

2 months ago

adventure, am, confusion, humor, i, introspection, journey, less, road, travel, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on WeChat this month:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

62 shares on Discord this month:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

96 shares on Slack this month:

‘You’re going to die alone!’ Okay, when did dying become a group project?

43 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve got a neighbor who’s really into morons. I should introduce her to you guys.

82 shares on Discord this month:

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

92 shares on X this month:

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

64 shares on Messenger this month:

Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

All my favorite activities involve a mattress.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I hate listening to a rapper that I used to adore, and they just don’t have it anymore.

Just shared via TikTok:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

Trending via WeChat:

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

Just landed via Twitch:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My brain is on airplane mode today.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Using Indeed feels like being an ugly guy on a dating app.

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

I took the road less traveled. Where am I?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨