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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Hit the vape till it tastes like technology.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,585

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

I did not spend years turning the faucet off while I brushed my teeth, so corporations could ruin the environment with festering AI slop.

Making waves on Facebook:

Working with children gives you so much in return. Lice, for example.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

Making waves on Reddit:

Reverse cowgirl, so we can both address the elephant in the room.

Spotted on Twitch:

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

Just shared via Messenger:

Sometimes your ankle takes a vacation while you’re walking.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Donnie Darko was also ahead of its time because the guy’s haunted by a giant Labubu.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

Shared recently on WeChat:

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
Looks like my procrastination skills have leveled up to boss mode! 😅🧠🔥

acknowledgment, giant, humor, ignore, ignoring, neglect, oversight, problem, procrastination, realization, surprise, thing, well

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15 shares on Facebook this month:

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

39 shares on X this month:

That moment when you clean the apartment and a year later everything is dirty again.

31 shares on Threads this month:

I miss making out in public and making people feel uncomfortable.

69 shares on X this month:

If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I would’ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

53 shares on Threads this month:

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t rub your happiness in people’s faces this Valentine’s Day. Let the couples enjoy themselves for once.

14 shares on YouTube this month:

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Sometimes I wonder if the strangers I see when I go outside are actually the people I talk to online.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I smile at all animals, just not the human ones.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

We interrupt coverage of one horrible story for breaking news of another horrible story.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

You can’t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.

Spreading quickly via X:

Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

Trending via Instagram:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

Just shared via WeChat:

Body: Okay, sleepy time. Brain: Okay, thinky time.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Making waves on Discord:

Do y’all watch the results come or do you go to bed and wait to see what Democracy Claus left you in the morning?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Going viral on Messenger:

Me waking up: wow, I can’t wait to go to sleep tonight.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

I deserve a dragon after all I’ve been through.

They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same.

I am awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

The guy who drills the holes so you can assemble IKEA furniture is clearly having problems at home.

We are the last generation of programmers who know the deadly feeling of seeing the exact problem in our code, on Stack Overflow, with 0 answers.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I deserve a dragon after all I’ve been through.

They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same.

I am awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

The guy who drills the holes so you can assemble IKEA furniture is clearly having problems at home.

We are the last generation of programmers who know the deadly feeling of seeing the exact problem in our code, on Stack Overflow, with 0 answers.

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

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