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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

When does hibernation actually begin? I wanna take part this year.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

I showered with my boyfriend. My breasts have never been so clean! Wow!

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,328

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

Just shared via Pinterest:

My superpower is always picking the line at the grocery store that moves the slowest.

Trending via Pinterest:

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Breaking via Reddit:

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Spotted on Messenger:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Live now on Telegram:

Nobody lures you into a gingerbread house in the forest anymore.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

Shared recently on Facebook:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

0
We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.
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Commentary:
"Ahoy, fellow 'billionaires'! 🚢💸 Just call me Captain Broke-Beard! 😂🧜‍♂️"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on TikTok this month:

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

54 shares on Threads this month:

I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

93 shares on X this month:

One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.

73 shares on Slack this month:

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

73 shares on Twitch this month:

Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

96 shares on Slack this month:

My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

46 shares on X this month:

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

34 shares on Threads this month:

I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

So cool that avocados come with those little wooden balls inside, I think I have collected the whole set.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,241

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

You realize you’re getting old when your body parts start fighting over which one hurts first.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Breakups are hard, but have you ever been disappointed in the food you ordered?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I will marry a tall, masculine, lovey-dovey man who can’t breathe when I ignore his existence.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the less surprised I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

Studies show that sleepwalking has decreased among Americans over the last 10 years. Typical lazy Americans.

Just shared via Snapchat:

You ever want someone so bad it pisses you off a little.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

Seen just now on Threads:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Trending via WhatsApp:

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

Seen just now on Telegram:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

Making waves on WeChat:

I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

Spotted on Messenger:

No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.

Just shared via Messenger:

I didn’t lose an hour of sleep. The hour of sleep lost me.

Just shared via Reddit:

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

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