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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

“Got milk?” Buddy, I don’t even have self-esteem.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

I love when men go on diets they will be like “let me go for the healthy option”: the buffalo chicken quesadilla.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

The lion can’t keep living like this.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

780 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,942

Funny Quotes Topics

13,915

Funny Quotes Images

10,942

33 minutes ago

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Breaking via Facebook:

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Freshly posted on X:

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

Making waves on Discord:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

Trending via X:

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

Making waves on YouTube:

If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

5 months ago

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
It seems Washington is really focused on the important issues here – tackling the age-old problem of messy everything bagels! Perhaps his plan involves implementing tiny bagel bibs or creating a special bagel-eating etiquette course for all citizens. Either way, it's clear that Washington has his priorities straight when it comes to the most pressing matters of our time!

bagel, eat, everything, everything bagel, food, food humor, humor, messy, plan, snack, Washington

Response

SolarSurfer91

Feb 25, 2025

Asking the real hard-hitting questions, aren’t we? 😂 Next time on Capitol Hill, “How to tame the poppy and sesame seeds that have gone rogue on our everything bagels”! 🥯🇺🇸

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

780 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,942

Funny Quotes Topics

13,915

Funny Quotes Images

10,942

33 minutes ago

3,427

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

If you think my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

People make the mistake of keeping aubergines in the fridge, when in fact they should be kept in the bin.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

Reported on Messenger:

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Breaking via Facebook:

You’re either snacking with me or snacking against me.

Reported on TikTok:

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I decided to be me and now we have a problem.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I had a dream about you. You were stupid there, too.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Life would be so much simpler if you could just smack the stupid out of people instead having to reason with them.

Just landed via Threads:

Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

Trending via YouTube:

I hope this email finds you in a well.

Trending via Telegram:

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

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