What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

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I’ll let you guys know if the psych ward has wifi.

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Introducing WifeChat™, the app where you talk to your wife.

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I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

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I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

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If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

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I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

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I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.

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One person’s logic is another one’s “what the heck?”

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Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

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Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.