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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

I don’t need all of these heat advisory warnings on my phone. I’ve been outside. I have skin. I know.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Ruining the Olympics for my fiancée by, every time they mention Paris, saying, “that’s where Ratatouille lived”.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

People without a sense of humor should not be allowed to decide what people with a sense of humor are allowed to laugh at.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Before we become friends, could you please sign this NDA.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

231 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,500

Funny Quotes Topics

17,568

Funny Quotes Images

15,500

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,566

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Trending via Threads:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

Trending via Slack:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

Going bananas on WeChat:

The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

Trending via Slack:

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

Live now on TikTok:

My favorite game is to guess if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor position, or a brain tumor.

Freshly posted on X:

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

The only thing smart about you is your wisdom tooth.

Trending via Telegram:

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you run on coffee instead of blood! ☕️🤣

blood, blood type, boiling, funny response, humor, i, joke, know, medical, medical question, question, response, type

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

0

2 months ago

coffee, eating, economy, food, grass, here, humor, joke, matcha, people, satire, tough
Bloopers in movie credits is a lost art form.

0

5 months ago

art, art form, bloopers, credit, credits, entertainment, film, form, humor, lost, movie, movie credit
Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

0

6 months ago

allowed, celebrity, child, child name, children, culture, humor, name, naming, parenting, pop, pop culture, should
Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

0

2 months ago

confusion, doing, doing nothing, effort, hard, hard work, humor, know, leisure, never, nothing, procrastination, relaxation, work
My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

0

2 months ago

afford, alcohol, caring, drug, employer, humor, i, pay, poorly, problem, salary, work
Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, interrupt, interruption, me, overhear, please, sarcasm, social, something, trying, witty

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

84 shares on Twitch this month:

I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

31 shares on Instagram this month:

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

57 shares on X this month:

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

16 shares on TikTok this month:

The October urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a horrifying backstory.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

After cooking show a dishwashing show with same host but kind of drunk.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Hey girl, are you a burger? Because I love you.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Grateful to be living in the “Tetris when it’s going too fast and blocks are helplessly piling up” era of human history.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

Social Media Log 💫

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

Bloopers in movie credits is a lost art form.

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨