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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

I’m going crazy, y’all. Coming with me?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

If consuming too much caffeine causes short-term memory loss, just imagine what consuming too much caffeine can do.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Long-term relationship? Like Tom and Jerry?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Just shared via Pinterest:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Spotted on Reddit:

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Going viral on X:

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

Just landed via Discord:

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

Just landed via Instagram:

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Introducing WifeChat™, the app where you talk to your wife.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Wooden pews are designed to maximize the shame of farting in church.

Breaking via Telegram:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

1 month ago

Humorous text about blood type, playful and witty, referencing boiling frustration.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you run on coffee instead of blood! ☕️🤣

blood, blood type, boiling, funny response, humor, i, joke, know, medical, medical question, question, response, type

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Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on X this month:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

Checking my iced coffee rewards points like it’s my 401k.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

13 shares on X this month:

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

50 shares on Instagram this month:

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

96 shares on Messenger this month:

Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

70 shares on X this month:

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

I’m so single right now, I can’t even spell relayshaunship.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Your posts make me wish I could forget how to read.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

Spotted on YouTube:

Do men know they don’t have to date if they’re not over their ex?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Printers are definitely the moody teenagers of the tech world.

Trending via WeChat:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Live now on Slack:

Nobody supports you like that one internet friend you’ve never met.

Shared recently on X:

I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.

Spotted on Reddit:

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

Y’all pronounce it data or data?

“Have you asked Chat GPT?” Have you lost your mind?

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

Keep the laugh going 😂

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

Y’all pronounce it data or data?

“Have you asked Chat GPT?” Have you lost your mind?

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨