Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Most people prefer lies. The truth just hits them like a WiFi outage, and then they just stand there, confused and buffering.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Nicole Kidman being in a film called Babygirl is actually perfect cause it’s like another version of her last name.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,975

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

Just landed via YouTube:

I don’t get treadmills, I mean if I walk I better reach somewhere.

Just shared via Messenger:

Might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry.

Spotted on YouTube:

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I took the road less traveled. Where am I?

Shared recently on Instagram:

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Live now on Threads:

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Just landed via Slack:

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Out of respect for my wallet, my phone has started ghosting women for me 😂📵💸

communication, dating, humor, i, money, respect, stop, talking, woman, women

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

0

2 months ago

after, cat, days, easy, humor, pet, relationship, training, wants
A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

0

2 months ago

choking, Heimlich, humor, impossible, joke, maneuver, pronunciation, thing, wordplay
Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

0

2 months ago

adult, angry, argument, bed, conflict, finish, humor, never, relationship, stay, staying, staying up
I refuse to listen to anyone give commentary on the state of society unless it’s in a TikTok video filmed inside their car.

0

2 months ago

car, commentary, culture, give, humor, i, inside, listen, media, modern, modern culture, refuse, satire, social, social media, society, state, TikTok, trends, video
This post is invisible, and only heathens can see it.

0

2 months ago

heathen, humor, invisible, joke, only, post
There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

0

2 months ago

action, advice, humor, life, life advice, mistake, never, opportunity, perfect, perfection, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

50 shares on Facebook this month:

I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

10 shares on TikTok this month:

The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

76 shares on Telegram this month:

Pilots lowkey have an aura when they walk past you in the airport.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

Born to be a frolicker of the forest, forced to be a cog in the machine.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

The only sunscreen that’s 100% effective is abstinence.

90 shares on WeChat this month:

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

I live in constant fear that some douchebag is going to show up to a bonfire with a guitar.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

“I’m in a really good place right now, not mentally. I’m just indoors with air conditioning.”

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

They should send the Epstein list to everyone’s phones like that U2 album.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Wearing shorts and my pale legs screamed at the sensation of sunlight like vampires.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

Breaking via YouTube:

You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.

Going viral on Discord:

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

Making waves on Reddit:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

Just landed via Messenger:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Trending via WeChat:

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

Shared recently on YouTube:

Is he trying to pronounce “charcuterie” or is he having a stroke?

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

I refuse to listen to anyone give commentary on the state of society unless it’s in a TikTok video filmed inside their car.

This post is invisible, and only heathens can see it.

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨