Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Took a good look at my finances. I won’t make that mistake again.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Being smart is a curse. You see the game, the lies, the patterns, but you still gotta play dumb to survive.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Sometimes I read a text and think, “What a psycho.” And then I press send.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

She asked to see where the magic happens, so I showed her my sandwich maker.

Making waves on Slack:

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

Making waves on Twitch:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower.

Spotted on WeChat:

Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

Just landed via WeChat:

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Work beers should be a daily thing.

Trending via Reddit:

Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about saving money by avoiding conversations with women out of respect.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Out of respect for my wallet, my phone has started ghosting women for me 😂📵💸

communication, dating, humor, i, money, respect, stop, talking, woman, women

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Slack this month:

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Family Guy is so insane because, why were people dating that dog?

58 shares on Facebook this month:

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny, then all of a sudden you know trigonometry.

93 shares on Slack this month:

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

81 shares on YouTube this month:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

I’m going to die from jealousy one day.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

“You have reached your monthly article limit,” – a website you’ve never accessed before today.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Sometimes life is “Eat, pray, love,” and sometimes it’s “Scroll, snack, overthink.”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Life can be so beautiful, you just can’t get sober.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

Just landed via Pinterest:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Going viral on Slack:

Just the owls and I out here enjoying the breeze amongst the trees.

Shared recently on Discord:

If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

Spotted on Reddit:

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

Seen just now on X:

Set my sex robot to boyfriend mode and now it’s liking other girls’ pictures on Insta.

Just shared via Twitch:

So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

Freshly posted on Slack:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.

My mom recently asked me how to take a screenshot. At first, I laughed, but then I remembered she taught me how to tie my shoes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.

My mom recently asked me how to take a screenshot. At first, I laughed, but then I remembered she taught me how to tie my shoes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨