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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

My talents are so hidden that I can’t even find them.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Trending via Pinterest:

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

Shared recently on WeChat:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

Spreading quickly via X:

Heavy on the ‘mhm,’ cause people just be talking.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’m a people pleaser, unless you don’t like that. Then I’m not.

Making waves on Slack:

All arguments are solvable. The trick? Get naked.

Making waves on YouTube:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Just shared via YouTube:

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

When I was a kid, I thought cicadas were the sound sunshine makes when it’s real hot outside.

2 months ago

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Oh, so that's why I always thought the sun was trying to start a rock band ☀️🎸🦗

childhood, cicada, funny thought, heat, hot, i, kid, misconception, nature, outside, real, sound, summer, sunshine, thought

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63 shares on Telegram this month:

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

77 shares on Telegram this month:

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

They should invent something in between coffee and narcotics.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

17 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

We are both insane on the web, I think we can make it work.

95 shares on Discord this month:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

49 shares on Slack this month:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Jesus died for your sins. If you don’t sin then he died for nothing!

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

My diet plan is sometimes, when I’m eating chips, I drop some on the floor, and I don’t eat those ones.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

Going viral on Instagram:

My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

Going bananas on Reddit:

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

Shared recently on Messenger:

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

Making waves on Slack:

I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.

Live now on Facebook:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

What an embarrassing time to be alive.

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Activity Log ✨

When I was a kid, I thought cicadas were the sound sunshine makes when it’s real hot outside.

It was a complicated 17-hour surgery, but they finally managed to separate the art from the artist.

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

My lip gloss used to be poppin’, now it’s my knees.

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When I was a kid, I thought cicadas were the sound sunshine makes when it’s real hot outside.

Keep the laugh going 😂

It was a complicated 17-hour surgery, but they finally managed to separate the art from the artist.

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

My lip gloss used to be poppin’, now it’s my knees.

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨