Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Just paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

“You’re a psychopath!” At least I’m on a path, babe, sort your life out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,606

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The best part about having a crush is when they crush all your hopes and dreams.

Shared recently on Threads:

Is he trying to pronounce “charcuterie” or is he having a stroke?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to skirt the issue.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Two sheep walk into a baaaaa.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

Seen just now on Threads:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Spotted on Reddit:

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

0
When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Remember folks, doors aren't magical portals to Narnia. If it's closed, just use the handle… because that's how doors work! 🔑🚪 Keep it simple, don't go looking for hidden passageways in your pantry. 😂"

, , , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Messenger this month:

Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

25 shares on Slack this month:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

73 shares on Twitch this month:

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

73 shares on Threads this month:

“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

45 shares on YouTube this month:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

17 shares on Threads this month:

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is just a series of Sopranos references with some other things mixed in.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,442

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Please solve a murder to prove you’re not a bot.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

What does my tattoo mean? It means I couldn’t be trusted with $200 when I was 18.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Blink if you want me!

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on X:

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Muting morons is good for your health.

Trending via WhatsApp:

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

Just shared via Instagram:

Have a good weekend, unless you have other plans.

Trending via Twitch:

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

Shared recently on Discord:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

Shared recently on Reddit:

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

Making waves on Telegram:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴