When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

I used to have a great future in my past.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

When people talk about enriching their lives, I assume they’ve found a way to add more cheese.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.