Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Enemies to lovers is only good if they’re gay. If I wanted to see a man and a woman yell at each other, I’d just go downstairs and eat with my parents.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Don’t hate me, date me!

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

I am half agony, half hope.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,482

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Making waves on Reddit:

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Breaking via Slack:

So I just googled my symptoms, turns out I’m addicted to you.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

Just shared via Facebook:

An escape room, but it’s just your high school reunion.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Miso soup is such a silly name, like “Yes, you so soup.”

Spreading quickly via Slack:

“I’m basically the human version of finding $20 in old jeans.”

Seen just now on Slack:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

When they dress up really nice, but all you can think about is the thrill of taking it off.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between appreciating the fancy attire and eagerly awaiting its swift removal 🤭💃🚀 #FashionVsDesire"

attraction, dating, desire, dress, fashion, humor, nice, taking, taking off, think, thrill

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The belief that software engineers are uniquely intelligent has done unimaginable damage on society.

0

2 months ago

belief, damage, done, engineer, humor, intelligence, intelligent, irony, society, software, software engineer
Not everyone realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why you’re broke.

0

2 months ago

book, broke, budget, clean, cleaning, everyone, financial, humor, money, pile, purse, receipt, spending, tiny, together, why
I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

0

2 months ago

budgeting, days, done, finance, get by, humor, i, management, math, money, month, time, time management
Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, joke, know, morning, sarcasm, telepathy, thinking, thoughts
Being shy is so annoying. Why is my chest hurting me, because I need to speak in public?

0

2 months ago

annoying, anxiety, being, chest, chest pain, discomfort, fear, i, me, need, nervousness, pain, public, public speaking, shy, shyness, speak, speaking, why
Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

0

2 months ago

advice, bed, behavior, both, doctor, family, health, health advice, humor, instinct, jumping, jumping on the bed, know, live, monkey, monkey instinct, playful, playful behavior, said, wife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Snapchat this month:

I was googling the best time to visit Italy. It is when you have money.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

75 shares on Slack this month:

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

You should be allowed to go home early from work if you miss your dog a lot.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m an adult in the same way a tomato is a fruit.

68 shares on Telegram this month:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

Rappers be making you feel guilty for no reason at all: “You was in the house eating dinner while I was in the streets hungry”. Like my fault, bro.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

I can feel your energy from two planets away.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

It’s not ‘drinking alone’ if you’re at work.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

People thinking you’re dumb is one of the best advantages you can have.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Dear liars, I hope every pair of pants you own are on fire.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I need a job where I don’t actually have to work.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

Breaking via YouTube:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Shared recently on Threads:

Everything is a sign from God if you’re schizophrenic enough.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When they dress up really nice, but all you can think about is the thrill of taking it off.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The belief that software engineers are uniquely intelligent has done unimaginable damage on society.

Not everyone realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why you’re broke.

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

Being shy is so annoying. Why is my chest hurting me, because I need to speak in public?

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨