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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Running from your problems is cardio.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,304

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

Going bananas on Pinterest:

When the moon hits your eye like it’s 5:45, that’s November.

Going viral on Threads:

The people who upload old movies to the internet are holding society together.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Closing down one work tab every day until Christmas like a reverse advent calendar.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Y’all screenshot payment confirmations to make sure they don’t play with y’all too?

Shared recently on Facebook:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

Funny quote about holiday decorating and dusting procrastination with playful humor.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the hidden truth behind Christmas decorations! 🎄✨ Decking the halls while conveniently ignoring the dust bunnies – now that's the holiday spirit! 🎅🏼✨ Just add a bit of glitter, and no one will even notice the neglected cleaning duties! ✨🎁✨

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Messenger this month:

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

80 shares on Threads this month:

Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better.

18 shares on Pinterest this month:

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

93 shares on Reddit this month:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The great thing about playing the trombone is no one knows if you’re good at it or not.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If they’re called leggings, why is your stomach in there?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Who called it America and not the fast food and the furious?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Wishing I could hit snooze on life’s alarm clock!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,592

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

“Each to their own!” Translation: You’re wrong, but never mind.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Anyone know how to get an air guitar out of a vacuum?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I don’t understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can’t remember why I walked into the kitchen.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Welcome to your 50’s, you’ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I try to find the good in every situation. Wait, no – that was a typo. Food. I try to find the food in every situation.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Women’s fall fashion is basically coming up with ways to wear a blanket without it looking like you’re wearing a blanket.

Just shared via Instagram:

Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

Breaking via Reddit:

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.

Just landed via Slack:

My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I have thought one billion times about everything.

Shared recently on YouTube:

WW3 is either gonna happen so fast you sleep through it, or it’s gonna last for the rest of your life.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

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