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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

If you think I’m rude, you should hear the voices in my head.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Unemployed folks always have esoteric knowledge, for some reason.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

“I don’t do politics.” Politics will do you, my brother and sister. Politics will do you like mad.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I tried yoga once. I pulled a hamstring and my dignity.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,238

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Getting ghosted by someone who bothered you in the first place is crazy.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I’m an over-explainer (I explain things too much).

Making waves on Discord:

Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

Just shared via Telegram:

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Making waves on X:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I wish I was a cat. No bills, no job, just meow, meow.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”.

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Why did the mosquito slap me and call it 'human karma'? 🤔🦟😂"

annoyance, funny insult, humor, humor quote, insult, mosquito, prank, sarcasm, say, slap, someone, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

0

2 months ago

app, dating, flirting, Fumble, humor, people, relationship, singles, social, suck
I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

0

2 months ago

anything, appointment, busy, day, day off, else, excuse, humor, i, later, management, person, procrastination, rest, time, time management
I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

0

6 months ago

child, crypto, explaining, explanation, friend, humor, i, imaginary, imaginary friend, misunderstanding, nine-year-old, said, sell, selling, someone, sounds, tried, trying
Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

0

2 months ago

Christmas, cooky, diet, eat, eating, finish, food, holidays, humor, indulgence, longer, temptation
If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

0

2 months ago

back, bring, comedy, dire, dire wolf, humor, macdonald, norm, Norm Macdonald, nostalgia, resurrection, wolf
The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

0

2 months ago

accident, awkward, awkward situation, bender, car, car accident, driver, driver interaction, fender, fender bender, having, interaction, meet, meeting, new, new person, person, situation, worst

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Reddit this month:

Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

89 shares on Threads this month:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

15 shares on X this month:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

29 shares on Discord this month:

My playlist so bipolar. We either in love, depressed, or gang members.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

19 shares on Telegram this month:

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

52 shares on Threads this month:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Once you find humor in any situation, you have nothing to fear.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

The most I’ve ever spent on a bottle of wine is about 45 minutes.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Don’t you hate it when you buy veggies and when you get them home you realize they’re donuts?

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

Just shared via Slack:

A.I. should be forced to wait tables before it’s allowed to make art.

Freshly posted on X:

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Forever grateful that thought bubbles aren’t a real thing.

Going viral on Facebook:

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

Just landed via Slack:

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

Just shared via Twitch:

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

Just landed via X:

Tech bros are frequently wrong but never in doubt.

Trending via Messenger:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨