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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Stupidity begins where irony is no longer understood.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

A fun wedding bit is to sit next to a random guest, point to the bride or groom & whisper, “it should’ve been you”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Choosing to ignore my strangely symbolic dream because I have a lot going on right now already.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

14,546

Funny Quotes Topics

16,780

Funny Quotes Images

14,546

Updated

Nov 27, 2025

Users Online

3,739

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Making waves on Discord:

“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

Trending via X:

In banana years, I am bread.

Just shared via Instagram:

I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

Trending via Instagram:

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

Spotted on Facebook:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

Just shared via Discord:

At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Apple, who gives you permission to turn the brightness down again when I’ve just turned it up?

Shared recently on Discord:

See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

2 weeks ago

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Commentary:
"Whoever is dating my ex, better bring a cheat sheet! 🕵️‍♂️🔍 #DodgingTheBullet"

advice, cheat, date, dating, ex, humor, i, relationship, say

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I love when men go on diets they will be like “let me go for the healthy option”: the buffalo chicken quesadilla.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

A relationship is like a shark, it looks better on TV.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

So tired of looking in my wallet and not finding $10,000

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

My anti-theft device in my car is that it’s manual.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

My watch battery is fully charged. So I got some time.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.

Shared recently on Threads:

I didn’t mean to mimic your voice, I just had to know what it felt like to sound like that.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

Spotted on Instagram:

One of the weirdest things about being an adult is having a favorite stove top burner. No one ever talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Women love it when you approach them on the street and say “whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?”

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

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Activity Log ✨

Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Accidentally used men’s shower gel today, and I can already feel myself lying for no reason.

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I’m not saying I’m old, but when I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

This call, should’ve been a message in a bottle I never found.

I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

My hobby is misidentifying dinosaurs so my daughter can correct me.

If caterpillars are able to sleep for a long time and come out prettier, why cant I?

In hell, you wait for a ‘verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

Netflix & by yourself.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

Holiday dinners with family are like real life boss levels with the worst loot.

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Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

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