Why is no one talking about the sheer pleasure of coming home from vacation and using your own bathroom.

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99% of celebrating your birthday as an adult just consists of texting back “thanks so much”.

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Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

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Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

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Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

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Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

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If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

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We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

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What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

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Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

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There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.