Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

You’re not a real baddie until a man has tried to forbid you from posting on social media.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,279

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

Eating healthy requires a second job.

Seen just now on Slack:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

Spotted on YouTube:

Going from “I can fix her” to “I don’t care if she lives or dies” in the same beer.

Just landed via Instagram:

No, babe, your 10-minute incremental alarms starting a full hour before you actually get up only make me love you more.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

Just landed via YouTube:

I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Excuse me, can you direct me to the nonsense?

Just shared via Instagram:

The best part about having a crush is when they crush all your hopes and dreams.

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

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Commentary:
"Saturday and Sunday sprint by faster than Usain Bolt, while Monday drags on like a never-ending marathon! 🏃‍♂️⏰😫 Who knew time could be so selective?! #MondayBlues"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Reddit this month:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Imagine giving someone your heart at Christmas, but the very next day they give it away. Haha, would feel so stupid.

86 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

Therapists probably have to struggle so hard not to ask to see pictures of the people their clients are obsessing over.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

100 shares on Slack this month:

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They should build a separate grocery store for people who have actually purchased food before, know how to push a cart, and possess at least an ounce of spatial awareness.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“Boy, you made these perimenopausal ovaries come back to life,” – me flirting.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I have never seen a single “when animals attack” video that I wasn’t rooting for the animal.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The me who snips coupons needs to communicate better with the me who walks into the stores.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You could go camping or you could stay at home, not shower, leave dirt on the floor and let some squirrels in.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Taking a walk: The most effective debugging tool.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,502

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Petition to bring back payphones in public places. I don’t want to give my kid a phone, I want to give him a quarter.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Imagine you go bowling by yourself and you go sit down, but it’s your turn again.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

So stupid how New York is actually as cool as everyone says.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

I’m really glad that light only attracts insects. Imagine wild boars would come knocking at your windows all the time.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Hulk Hogan’s gone, so I’ll be ripping shirts and screaming “BROTHERRR!” at strangers in his honor.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

Shared recently on Messenger:

“Your password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

Freshly posted on Slack:

By day I am just a regular loser, by night I am the same loser only it’s nighttime.

Making waves on Twitch:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

Spotted on WeChat:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Just landed via Instagram:

Living up to your potential sounds exhausting.

Trending via YouTube:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Making waves on Messenger:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Just landed via Discord:

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

Trending via Telegram:

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

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