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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

My swear jar is having a very profitable week.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

If rich people aren’t upset after an election, then we have failed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,486

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

Trending via Snapchat:

Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.

Trending via LinkedIn:

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

Going viral on Pinterest:

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

Seen just now on Instagram:

My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Witty quote about superhero powers and rising electricity costs, humorous and playful in tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
So that's why superheroes are always flying around saving the planet—they're trying to avoid paying the utility bill! ⚡💸🤣

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Facebook this month:

The lion is actually pretty concerned right now.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

How do I get my glasses prescription placed in my windshield?

33 shares on Reddit this month:

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

22 shares on Discord this month:

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

48 shares on Threads this month:

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

92 shares on Discord this month:

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

You think you’re cool and then you see a video of yourself running.

40 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m sorry that I bit you, I was trying to flirt.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My most boomer belief is that you can often get a malfunctioning appliance to work again by slapping it.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m in my 20s, but somehow I’m 16 and also 55 at the same time.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The lion does not concern himself with Microsoft Teams.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“Quit” is not in my vocabulary but “resign”, “drop out”, and “give up” are.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,496

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Girls will be like, “This is my comfort song,” and it’s the howling of a wolf inside a dark forest.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

My toxic trait is when I’m bored, I start looking for flights to book.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Silicon Valley has taken over the world. Remember when nerds had the good manners to be ashamed of themselves?

Spotted on Snapchat:

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

Live now on Snapchat:

I have information that will lead to where your hug is at.

Spotted on Reddit:

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched the argument I baited you with.

Just landed via TikTok:

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Drilling for oil is well boring.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The children seemed disappointed when I told them the best part about being an adult is going to bed early.

Seen just now on WeChat:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

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