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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I feel like an adult spelling bee would humble a lot of us.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

No, babe, your 10-minute incremental alarms starting a full hour before you actually get up only make me love you more.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I love when someone texts “hey,” like I’m supposed to solve the rest.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Take my advice, I’m not using it.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from reading your book.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,279

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

Going bananas on TikTok:

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The only traditional costume people around me wear is sweatpants.

Just landed via YouTube:

The potholes in my city will change your radio station and unlock the doors.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

Breaking via Reddit:

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

Making waves on Facebook:

The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

Women will brag about their intuition, and then date a DJ.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about women’s intuition and dating DJs, playful and humorous in tone.

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Commentary:
Well, sometimes intuition just wants to hit the dance floor and spin some records! 🎧💃😂

brag, date, dj, humor, intuition, irony, relationship, woman, women

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78 shares on Messenger this month:

Dark mode changed me. White screens now feel like staring into the sun.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

80 shares on Reddit this month:

Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

58 shares on Discord this month:

A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

63 shares on Threads this month:

SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it.

15 shares on TikTok this month:

My worst fear is dating someone who loves their ex like my exes love me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

One year closer to whatever age my obituary will say.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

I think humans are meant to lay in bed with the love of their life all winter.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

This entire year has been the Nightmare Before Christmas.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to skirt the issue.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

They are all liars, so just pick the tallest and enjoy.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Any place is a walkable city if you’re broke enough.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Hey! Remember in the first grade when we were all just chilling and then some kid would throw up out of nowhere?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

Spotted on Messenger:

If idiots could fly, TikTok would be an airport.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Seen just now on YouTube:

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

Just shared via Instagram:

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

Making waves on Facebook:

If you’re a dude and you’re having a bad day, just remember, no one cares.

Seen just now on Instagram:

There’s never a good place to clip your toenails at the library.

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Activity Log ✨

Women will brag about their intuition, and then date a DJ.

It’s been too long since I partook in shenanigans.

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

When your electric toothbrush dies, it becomes a regular toothbrush. Don’t freak out. Just calm down and remember your training.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Women will brag about their intuition, and then date a DJ.

Keep the laugh going 😂

It’s been too long since I partook in shenanigans.

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

When your electric toothbrush dies, it becomes a regular toothbrush. Don’t freak out. Just calm down and remember your training.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨