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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Still writing the old year on all my ransom notes.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Starting a new life today, bye.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme. But read and lead don’t rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,311

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Job applications be like “how did you hear about us?”. Bro why, was it a secret?

Going viral on Discord:

Parenting sometimes feels like you’re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Going bananas on Facebook:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

Live now on Threads:

I’m doing pretty good for someone who rarely has a clue.

Breaking via X:

An Amish party in the desert called churning man.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Me attempting to flirt: So do you like doing things?

Spotted on TikTok:

Shazam, but for whatever the hell goes on in the apartment upstairs.

You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like their favorite hobby is perfecting the art of standing around! 🎭🕺

back, going, going outside, humor, observation, outside, people, place, places, routine, same, still, time, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I put the mess in domestic.

0

2 months ago

chaos, domestic, household, humor, i, mess, put, wit
Just blocked a guy for accusing me of being “all talk”. On Twitter.

0

2 months ago

accusation, block, comedy, guy, humor, interaction, just, me, media, social, social media, talk, Twitter
I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

0

2 months ago

daily, daily life, date, day, frustration, hate, humor, i, impossibility, impossible, kids, life, me, parenting, questions
All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

0

2 months ago

bus, except, getting, humor, pointless, pointlessness, stop, transportation, travel
I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

0

2 months ago

awesome, coffee, confidence, evolution, humor, i, motivation, need, positivity, self-improvement, state
I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

0

2 months ago

cause, delete, getting, growth, hours, humor, i, mature, media, over, posts, reflection, social, social media

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Slack this month:

Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

97 shares on X this month:

The worst person to share a room with is someone who puts on 10 alarms 2 mins apart each, and wakes up at none.

39 shares on X this month:

What’s wrong with the people who come to visit on Sundays? Don’t they have a couch?

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

Flying bugs can basically go anywhere they want, but still choose to fly right into your face.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

35 shares on Instagram this month:

HR: “Please complete our anonymous survey.” My boss then later: “Don’t forget the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team.”

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

Like an advent calendar, you make me want to open up more every day.

92 shares on Discord this month:

Hey! Remember in the first grade when we were all just chilling and then some kid would throw up out of nowhere?

89 shares on Telegram this month:

A selfie only a mother could like.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

The devil couldn’t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

This alien invasion could have been an email.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I need a massage for my brain.

Going bananas on Instagram:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

Trending via YouTube:

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

Just landed via Instagram:

Whatever the plot is in Barbie’s movie, my dolls have been through worse.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

Just landed via Discord:

Unlocking new levels of iron deficiency.

Making waves on Threads:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Please don’t buy my book on reverse psychology.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I put the mess in domestic.

Just blocked a guy for accusing me of being “all talk”. On Twitter.

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨