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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I love canceling plans. I didn’t want to go in the first place. I just wanted to be invited.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

There will be people in your life that say you have too many books. Those are not your people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,691

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

Going bananas on Slack:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

Seen just now on Instagram:

But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

Breaking via Telegram:

Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Which is it, brain? Does nothing matter or do I need to be anxious about everything?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

Just shared via Discord:

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Can’t stand when I’m determined to see something in a negative light, and somebody offers a different, healthier perspective. I already made up my mind to be upset. Don’t be rude.

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

2 months ago

0

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a message in a bottle when you can have a bottle with a message 🍹📜? Tequila has a way of making sure that message gets through loud and clear! Cheers to a truly effective communication strategy! 🎉😄 #TequilaTalks"

bottle, communication, drinking, full, fun, humor, leave, message, need, party, tequila

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

0

2 months ago

am, call, cat, conversation, head, hello, household, humor, i, joke, me, phone, phone call, prank, speaking, telemarketer
The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

0

2 months ago

best, chaos, cleaning, house, humor, mess, state, struggle
The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

0

2 months ago

accomplishment, call, correct, failure, great, haters, humor, i, irony, motivation, said, sarcasm, self-deprecation
Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

0

2 months ago

activity, alcohol, alcohol effects, confidence, drunk, effects, even, feel, fun, fun activity, humor, just, relaxation, relaxed, sexier, sudden, wine
Damn, all this overthinking and I still be making dumb decisions.

0

2 months ago

choices, decision, decisions, dumb, dumb decision, frustration, humor, i, irony, life, life choices, making, overthinking, self-reflection, still
The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

0

2 months ago

amount, days, energy, exhaustion, farm, fuel, humor, sigh, small, wind

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Slack this month:

Are there cheat codes for parenting teenagers? This level is really hard.

17 shares on Threads this month:

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

80 shares on YouTube this month:

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

Just drank a big glass of water, and I regret to inform you, they might be right about hydration.

63 shares on WeChat this month:

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

40 shares on Threads this month:

Are you a software update, because not now!

37 shares on Twitch this month:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

I think we should all try to spend more time online. It seems to be helping society.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

We seriously need to bring back courting. What the hell is ‘wyd tonight?’ Arrive on a horse and bring flowers like a man.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“Where did all your money go?” I’m either wearing it or eating it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so lazy that I’ll break my tooth trying to get this tag off before I get up and get a scissor.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope my parents feel proud. They scared me so bad about getting pregnant as a teenager that now they’re never getting grandkids.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,276

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Stretching isn’t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

Shared recently on X:

There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Making waves on Discord:

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

Spotted on Instagram:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

Live now on TikTok:

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

Trending via Messenger:

Being a woman is trying to guess what the hell is going on with your body three times a week.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Never underestimate the healing power of a cheeseburger.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Porn is free, so why are you in my DMs?

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