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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Have you ever “accidentally” eaten a family sized bag of chips?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Yeah, bro, she’s probably just not using her phone right now, for the first time ever in her whole life.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

When fireworks were invented, it was ‘hisssss’ to ‘wheeeee’ in the making.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,422

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

We should just cancel April Fools Day this year. No prank can top reality right now.

Freshly posted on Slack:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

Breaking via Discord:

I would like to see the USA go metric before I die, just so I can enjoy the outrage that would follow.

Making waves on Threads:

Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying.

Seen just now on Discord:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

Live now on TikTok:

It really cannot be overstated how many of your problems disappear once you have a beautiful woman who is in love with you.

Making waves on Facebook:

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.

3 weeks ago

Witty text highlighting how women no longer toss their partner’s belongings out the window.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess that’s why drones were invented—to safely deliver discarded boyfriend belongings! 🚁🧦📦

boyfriend, breakup, humor, relationship, stuff, throw, throwing, window, woman, women

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Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Twitch this month:

My default setting is sexual energy.

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

Slim Shady implies the existence of Thicc Sunny.

68 shares on Slack this month:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

36 shares on Threads this month:

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love when really expensive products say, “apply generously,” like, of course, you would say that.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

If caterpillars are able to sleep for a long time and come out prettier, why cant I?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Playing dead when a cop pulls me over.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Starting a new life today, bye.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

Shared recently on Instagram:

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Just landed via Instagram:

I miss you when I wake up before you.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

Spotted on Instagram:

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

Just landed via X:

I don’t know why hair extensions are exclusive to women, I want to look like a centaur.

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Activity Log ✨

You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

Why didn’t Scooby Doo smell that the ghosts were human?

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

Why didn’t Scooby Doo smell that the ghosts were human?

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨