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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Saw an article on “100 things to do before you die.” Was surprised Call 911 didn’t make the list.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

By accepting their pardons, the turkeys are admitting guilt.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Women pretending not to see men staring at them is an essential survival skill.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Witnessing karma is awesome . . . witnessing instant karma is more awesome.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,271

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

Going viral on Telegram:

They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

“Baby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

Spotted on Slack:

Good morning to the wind beneath my wings only.

Going viral on Telegram:

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Auto-correct and I are in a toxic relationship.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’ve learned two important things in life, I can’t remember the first one, but the second one is to write everything down.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I saw someone wearing a shirt today that said “Eat Pasta Run Fasta,” and I can’t get it out of my head.

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When a cheeseburger throws in the towel, you know you're in deep fry 🍔😂

bad, bad day, cheeseburger, day, even, food, frustration, help, humor, know

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’d rather lose you than the argument.

0

2 months ago

argument, communication, conflict, humor, ID, lose, love, prioritization, relationship
When intelligence meets empathy and kindness, it’s so sexy.

0

5 months ago

attraction, compliment, empathy, humor, intelligence, kindness, personality, personality traits, sexy, traits
Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

0

2 months ago

bed, beginning, daily, daily routine, getting, getting out of bed, humor, journey, morning, routine
Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

0

2 months ago

asleep, hack, happiness, health, humor, life, life hack, mental, mental health, mood, positivity, relaxation, sad, sleep
The divorce process is easier than breaking up with your hair stylist.

0

2 months ago

break, break up, breaking, comparison, divorce, easier, hair, hair stylist, humor, process, relationship, stylist
I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

0

2 months ago

activity, autograph, best, bible, every, fun, fun activity, hotel, humor, i, JC, prank, religion, wishes

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on TikTok this month:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Love is in the air, but so is the flu. Wash your hands!

36 shares on WeChat this month:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

20 shares on Telegram this month:

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

75 shares on Discord this month:

“I need a movie where the villain actually won!” Have you tried watching the news?

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

50 shares on Instagram this month:

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

68 shares on Threads this month:

I can handle most things in life, but hearing people chew isn’t one of them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I’ve learned two important things in life, I can’t remember the first one, but the second one is to write everything down.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Forget my browser history, when I finally pass from this earth, please delete my calculator history because it’s way more embarrassing.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

What if all the ancient Greek sculptures are actually victims of Medusa?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Aura is the real business card.

Just landed via X:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Current situation: lying in bed, trying to manifest breakfast.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

Going viral on Facebook:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

Just landed via Pinterest:

“At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

Freshly posted on Threads:

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

Just shared via Telegram:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Going viral on TikTok:

So, Earth is basically auditions for heaven and hell.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’d rather lose you than the argument.

When intelligence meets empathy and kindness, it’s so sexy.

Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

The divorce process is easier than breaking up with your hair stylist.

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨