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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

You know where I’d like to go? Missing.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

I remember sex. That was cool.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,242

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

Making waves on Slack:

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

Just landed via Reddit:

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

Shared recently on Messenger:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Just landed via X:

I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy but I’m wearing a cape.

Just landed via Facebook:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Just a reminder that you’re not allowed to hit your coworkers. Even if they’re stupid. I asked. Twice.

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

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You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.
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Commentary:
When a cheeseburger throws in the towel, you know you're in deep fry 🍔😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Facebook this month:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

Forever grateful that thought bubbles aren’t a real thing.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.

54 shares on Threads this month:

“You changed!” Yeah, I thought three days in the same outfit was kinda pushing it.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not alone. I have ants.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

Blocking me is like blocking the sun, the moon and the stars.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The only warning I take seriously these days is when my cell phone battery is low.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want people to have kind words when you pass, you should say kind words when you’re alive.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

This is the fastest December in the history of all December.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Being social sucks all my energy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,386

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Maybe the elephant doesn’t want to be addressed, and we should respect their boundaries.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

This is actually worse than Biff Tennan’s future.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Telegram:

Sorry for being so cringey and awkward. It will definitely happen again.

Live now on Slack:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Just landed via YouTube:

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

Seen just now on X:

Stupidity begins where irony is no longer understood.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’m running out of people I like.

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