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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Jan 5, 2026

3,292

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

Making waves on Reddit:

I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

Making waves on WeChat:

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

Spotted on WeChat:

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

Spotted on Discord:

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

Shared recently on Discord:

The fact Head and Shoulders doesn’t have a body wash called Knees and Toes, is disappointing.

Just shared via Messenger:

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I can’t tell if I need coffee, a hug, or to just go live in the woods forever.

Just landed via Instagram:

The two most popular things to do on the internet are arguing about politics and looking at naked people. Million dollar website idea: combine both — naked people arguing about politics.

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

2 months ago

0

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🐶🍽️ "When even the dog turns up his nose at your cooking, you know you've reached a whole new level of 'culinary expertise'. Maybe it's time to let that microwave have a turn in the spotlight! 😄👩‍🍳"

bad, bad cook, cook, cooking, culinary, culinary skills, disaster, dog, humor, kitchen, kitchen disaster, know, lick, pet, plate, skills

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

With me, it isn’t Netflix & chill. It’s Prime & panic.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, chill, date, entertainment, humor, me, Netflix, panic, prime, streaming
When you’re a child, you want to be a teenager. When you’re a teenager, you want to be an adult. When you’re an adult, you want to be a cat.

0

2 months ago

adult, adulthood, cat, child, desire, expectations, humor, irony, life, life stages, stages, teenager, want
So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

0

2 months ago

annoying, connection, humor, i, life, meet, meeting, need, new, new people, order, past, past life, people, socializing
Shout out to all you people out there who get asked if you’re okay a lot even though that’s the only facial expression you have.

0

2 months ago

asked, emotions, even, expression, facial, facial expression, feelings, humor, lot, okay, people, relatable, shout, shout out
Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

0

2 months ago

after, crazy, disaster, even, history, humor, irony, pool, ship, still, think, Titanic, water, year’s
I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

0

2 months ago

clothes, fashion, government, humor, i, nice, nothing, shutdown, wear

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Reddit this month:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I will not stop replying with gifs. I am a Millennial, it’s my birthright.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s leg day. No, not at the gym, dummy. I’m shaving them.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

Fishing for compliments like “I’m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is me”.

54 shares on Pinterest this month:

Never quit, unless it’s too hard.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Stop asking people over 40 what we like to do for fun. You’re not gonna like the answer.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

I think during winter we should also get to work less hours in a day, just like the sun.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Flirting back when you’re bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Hate it when I pull out a winter coat and there’s no money stashed in it.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,631

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite gas station now.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Glory hole but for forehead kisses.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Reverse cowgirl so he doesn’t see the double chin.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

My life is based on a true story.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.

Trending via YouTube:

My life is simple, I see a queue of more than 6 people, I go home.

Just shared via X:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Breaking via Telegram:

If God had known what mankind would turn into, he would have sterilized Adam.

Shared recently on WeChat:

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

Just landed via Instagram:

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

Going viral on Slack:

People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

Broadcasted on X:

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

The Slow and the Furious: me navigating a shopping cart through a grocery store filled with morons.

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