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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Scrolling… good take… bad take… nothing take… cyberbullying… beautiful woman.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,769

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

Just shared via Slack:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Trending via YouTube:

They should make you watch a training video and pass a little test before you’re allowed to touch the office coffee maker.

Just shared via Reddit:

Anyone else brush their teeth in the shower so they can get a little sloppy with it, or is that just me?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Unfortunately, I am literally obsessed with the woman I am when I get stuff done, so I’m just going to keep doing that.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Heavy on the ‘mhm,’ cause people just be talking.

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
Well, I'm not about to let my phone gather dust waiting for a response. Priorities, right? 🐶📱😅

again, communication, dog, God, hear, humor, i, quick, quick reply, relationship, reply, wait, waiting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

1 month ago
actually, age, am, compliment, great, humor, i, just, looks, me, older, people, start, tell
They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

1 month ago
activity, creativity, fun, hobby, invention, leisure, patience, people, should, skills
Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

1 month ago
before, change, commentary, humor, idiot, internet, only, people, perspective, social, social commentary, technology, thought, town, wrong
Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

1 month ago
ask, awkward, awkward moment, conversation, date, dating, finds, guy, humor, husband, irony, me, moment, myself, questions, relationship
All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

1 month ago
evidence, humor, i, ID, irony, job, management, much, performance, promotion, senior, senior management, workplace, worse
Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.

2 weeks ago
attitude, complaint, hear, humor, i, manic, Monday, want

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Jump to recipe is the closest thing we have to teleportation.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

We need a word for a type of person who spends all their time working to live in a city so they can be near cool things, but they don’t actually like going out.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Broadcasted on Discord:

If you can’t handle me at my weirdest, then leave, because it gets weirder.

Trending via Messenger:

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Getting your hair washed by someone else is one of life’s greatest joys no one really speaks about often.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I’m convinced a lot of people online are communicating from prison.

Spotted on Twitch:

I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

If anime hair were real, there would be so much color dysmorphia. Like, imagine getting brown. I would be so pissed.

I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

All I’m saying is that I’m closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is.

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”

Being an adult is mumbling ‘this is stupid’ as you reluctantly slide out of bed.

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

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“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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