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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Coffee is just goth water.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1785 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,947

Funny Quotes Topics

14,753

Funny Quotes Images

11,947

Updated

5 minutes ago

Users Online

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Just shared via Reddit:

Women’s fall fashion is basically coming up with ways to wear a blanket without it looking like you’re wearing a blanket.

Just shared via Instagram:

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

Trending via Threads:

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

Just landed via Threads:

Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

Spotted on WeChat:

Found a picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe it’s been a whole year.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

Freshly posted on X:

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

Live now on YouTube:

I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
🎷🤣 "Attention, attention! Your call is so important to us that we've decided to serenade you with an epic clarinet performance. Get ready for an unforgettable seventy-five minute musical journey… or until we remember you're still waiting on the line! 😉🎶 #HoldMusicGoals #CustomerServiceChill"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1785 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,947

Funny Quotes Topics

14,753

Funny Quotes Images

11,947

Updated

5 minutes ago

Users Online

3,445

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

The biggest problem with finding another job is I don’t want one.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Hundreds, nay, thousands of movies about falling in love but only one movie about a beach that makes you old.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Garlic bread is my therapist now.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m on a spinning rock in outer space, and I have to answer work emails.

Seen just now on Instagram:

My boyfriend invited the neighbors over for dinner, “sometime,” so now we have to move.

Trending via WeChat:

The mattress in the guest room was perfectly fine until I had to sleep on it once.

Making waves on Twitch:

If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Reported on WhatsApp:

Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?

Spotted on X:

I hate checking my bank account after having a good time.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

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