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Commentary:
"Your honor, my client requests a brief recess to engage in a stimulating game of Candy Crush! 🍭⚖️ Let's admit it, even justice could use a little swipe and tap now and then. #PhoneDefenseWinning"

bit, client, court, distraction, honor, humor, joke, legal, little, phone, play

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.

4 months ago
almost, annoyance, ask, boundary, care, hear, honesty, i, interaction, life, opinion, opinions, peeve, personal, personal life, pet, pet peeve, social, social interaction
Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

1 month ago
aging, animals, birds, humor, observation, older, once, people-watching, start, think
Be so funny that everyone forgets that you are ugly!

2 months ago
comedy, confidence, everyone, forget, humor, personality, self-esteem, ugly
Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

1 month ago
1900s, accidentally, calorie, calorie deficit, deficit, diet, everyone, food, humor, i, knows, loss, mistake, old fashioned, old-fashioned phrase, phrase, said, weight, weight loss
I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

2 months ago
connection, dog, dogs, emotion, every, eyes, hugging, i, leaking, lean, love, me, pet, start, time
They should invent a day where it all works out.

2 months ago
day, humor, invent, invention, life, luck, optimism, should, where, wish, works

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

My favorite animal is me when my feelings are hurt.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Imagine if you spent all your time studying, actually studying.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

“This too shall pass!” Okay, but like, when exactly?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Men will ruin your whole life then come back and like your story.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Making fun of bands that only play 3 chords when I don’t even know what a chord is.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

Just shared via TikTok:

I love when people say, “It is what it is,” like they just discovered stoicism.

Just landed via Reddit:

I am awake and ready to be disappointed.

Making waves on Discord:

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

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Activity Log ✨

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

Be so funny that everyone forgets that you are ugly!

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

They should invent a day where it all works out.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

I am so full of love and anger, like a lava lamp.

The art of letting whoever think whatever.

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

Welcome to your 40’s: See that kid dressed up like a cop? He is a cop.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Salary week, but salary weak.

Love how Batman: The Animated Series seems to take place in the 40s and the 50s and the 70s and the 90s all at once.

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

When I say I’m tired, the “of people” is silent.

When you’re late for work, you gotta walk in fast and act like you’re mad.

Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

Wishing all the contacts in my phone “Merry Christmas, I hope you get what you deserve” and just letting that work itself out.

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

New year update: losing everything but weight.

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

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Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

Be so funny that everyone forgets that you are ugly!

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

They should invent a day where it all works out.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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