Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Porn is free, so why are you in my DMs?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Lego better be trying to cure child cancer with how much their shit cost.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

By age 40, you should have an entire wardrobe of clothes—one size too small—that you keep in eternal optimism that you’ll fit in them again one day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,258

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

Just landed via YouTube:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

Just landed via Reddit:

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

Just landed via TikTok:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

Just landed via X:

Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The lion does not concern himself with Microsoft Teams.

Just shared via Instagram:

Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, at least my sense of humor was my ultimate wingman back then! 🤪😂 #FunnyNotFoxy"

awkwardness, compliments, dating, high, high school, humor, i, laid, school, self-deprecation, thanks

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

0

2 months ago

comedy, How I Met Your Mother, humor, i, just, met, mother, show, storytelling, talk, ted, TED talk, television, TV, TV Show
The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

0

5 months ago

b, humor, letter, letter b, pun, spelling, subtle, wordplay
My brain at 2 a.m.: “You up?”

0

2 months ago

2, 2 a.m., a.m., am, brain, funny thought, humor, insomnia, late, late night, night, sleep, thought
Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

0

2 months ago

distraction, driving, even, funny situation, having, humor, pee, problematic, road, road trip, situation, sneeze, trip
Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

0

2 months ago

around, cleanup, distraction, found, humor, organizing, playing, procrastination, sitting, somewhere, things, tidying
I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

0

2 months ago

1986, bad, commitment, day, fashion, feel, Goofy, goofy hat, hat, humor, i, joke, lifelong, lifelong wear, sarcasm, Slash, style, wear

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t know how to explain this, but “hot honey” is the pickleball of condiments (derogatory).

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

I am dressing for the job I want. I want to be a sweatpants model.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

84 shares on Telegram this month:

Gender and sexuality aside, I believe everyone just wants someone who wears short shorts and makes a lot of noise in bed.

25 shares on Slack this month:

Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

I recently saw a documentary about dinosaurs. They simply ate everyone they didn’t like. I like that concept.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Sorry for levitating at the end of your bed all night, I just think you’re really cute.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Sometimes I don’t have anything intelligent to say and sometimes I don’t let that stop me.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

Freshly posted on Threads:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Going bananas on Slack:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

You know you’re getting old when the radio stations and bars play music you don’t like, but the supermarket is throwing out banger after banger.

Seen just now on Messenger:

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

Spotted on Messenger:

Got so emotional thinking about the Toy Story aliens. They have each other.

Going viral on Pinterest:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Just shared via Reddit:

People will say stuff like “Well, at least if WWIII happens, I won’t have to go to work…” I think in your heart you know that’s not true.

Going bananas on Threads:

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

Trending via Snapchat:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

My brain at 2 a.m.: “You up?”

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨