Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

I’m the type of idiot to be loyal during the talking stage.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

I can’t keep up anymore. Happy birthday to everyone for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Relationship status: I’m the only one wearing my hoodies.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

If someone leaves your life, it’s often because the actor playing them is getting cancelled in the real world.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Why have abs when you can have kebabs?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,280

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

Just landed via Instagram:

Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Making waves on YouTube:

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Making waves on Telegram:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

Shared recently on WeChat:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Just landed via Slack:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

Going bananas on Slack:

Do you mind if I smash this object of great sentimental value?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Going out on an adventure called "Poor Judgment" and I've got the perfect tour guide 🤣🚩

count, date, dating, going, humor, joke, me, relationship, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

0

2 months ago

bring, financial, humor, i, income, irony, money, only, spending, talent
I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

0

2 months ago

analogy, avocado, food, fruit, humor, i, impatience, patience, ripe
No one buys my theory that red fire hydrants are filled with ketchup and yellow fire hydrants are filled with mustard.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, color, filled, fire, fire hydrant, humor, hydrant, joke, ketchup, mustard, red, theory, yellow
80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

0

5 months ago

80s, 80s movie, back, decade, future, humor, movie, nostalgia, past, time, time travel, today, travel
Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

0

4 weeks ago

buying, Christmas, holiday, honesty, i, least, liar, present, presents, relationship, single
We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

0

2 months ago

ads, commercials, entertainment, fee, humor, just, month, monthly, monthly fee, need, pay, service, shows, streaming, streaming service, subscription, us

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Discord this month:

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

84 shares on Slack this month:

Wooden pews are designed to maximize the shame of farting in church.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

This wouldn’t happen to me if I were a huge dragon.

76 shares on Threads this month:

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

20 shares on Threads this month:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

63 shares on Threads this month:

There will always be miserable people inviting you to their misery.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

The lioness does not concern herself with the pile of clothes she moves between bed and chair every day.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

That moment when you have to restart a song because the conversations in your head got too loud and you missed half the song.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I don’t understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can’t remember why I walked into the kitchen.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m pretending to be a hot girl on Tinder so I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over, so he’ll clean the apartment.

Just shared via YouTube:

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Going viral on Instagram:

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Making waves on Messenger:

You are never too old to achieve your dreams. Prince Charles had to wait 73 years.

Just shared via Twitch:

As someone who lives on earth, rising sea levels are alarming. But as someone who has always wanted to be a mermaid, I’m intrigued.

Spotted on WeChat:

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

Trending via Messenger:

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we don’t trust.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

No one buys my theory that red fire hydrants are filled with ketchup and yellow fire hydrants are filled with mustard.

80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨