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Itโ€™s so hot outside that when I opened my front door I thought I was checking on my oven.

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Hike in groups. Bears like to have options.

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I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

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Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

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If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

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When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

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Theyโ€™re releasing another โ€œJurassicโ€ movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

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His hands wouldnโ€™t stop talking to me, your honor.

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If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

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I donโ€™t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

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I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

Commentary:
"When life gives you grapefruits, swap them for pancakes! ๐Ÿฅž๐Ÿ˜‚ #GrapefruitGoals #TeamPancakes"

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