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The secret to a good marriage is that itโ€™s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

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Pinterest is so therapeutic. There’s no drama, no one to argue with. Just pretty pictures.

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โ€œYouโ€™re so understanding,โ€ yeah, because I donโ€™t want to go to prison for the rest of my life.

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I donโ€™t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

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Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

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My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

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Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

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Smart people are like huskies. If you don’t give them an interesting problem, they become an interesting problem.

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We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

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I donโ€™t have any generational wealth but I did inherit a great spaghetti sauce recipe.

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With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

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Cats: the original stress ball, but with purring! ๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿ’†โ€โ™‚๏ธโœจ

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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