Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

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Jingle all the way? In this economy?

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I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

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I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

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If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the job of 3-5 people.

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Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

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Welcome to your 40s. You now pay for 7 streaming services, only use 4 and can’t remember the password to any of them.

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I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

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As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

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Line dancing was created by women waiting to use the restroom.

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Now that Christmas and New Year are out of the way, we can focus on the things that really matter: My posts.