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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

The empty side of your bed is for books and chocolate, not for liars who snore.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Half princess, half menace.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,264

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Work beers should be a daily thing.

Trending via YouTube:

A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

Making waves on Slack:

The thing I bought on Etsy in 2017 has shipped.

Broadcasted on X:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Just landed via Messenger:

My step counter doesn’t judge. For him, steps to the fridge are just as valuable as a walk.

Going viral on YouTube:

Apparently, everyone on the Zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

Making waves on Telegram:

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

Accidentally falling asleep on the couch is somehow always the best sleep.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about the cozy, unexpected best sleep after dozing on the couch.

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Commentary:
Couch naps should come with a warning: May cause unintentional time travel to 3 hours later! 🛋️⏰😴

accident, accidentally, always, asleep, best, couch, falling, funny observation, nap, observation, relaxation, sleep, tiredness

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42 shares on Discord this month:

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

20 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

My soulmate is chocolate cake.

31 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

Picking up a hitchhiker is not worth the risk of being forced to make small talk with a stranger.

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

Wild Friday night, and by wild, I mean me and the other psychopaths at the gym.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

65 shares on Facebook this month:

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

In the 90s, you could tell who won the rap battle by who was still alive.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I’m sick of living through history!

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

What’s a beginner hobby for someone just getting into being happy?

Just shared via Threads:

A murder on the dance floor would explain the panic! at the disco.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.

Just landed via YouTube:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Going bananas on Discord:

I see you liked my selfie, but what about my ideas?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

My mayor is Muslim, my bagels are Jewish, my Dior is Christian.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Accidentally falling asleep on the couch is somehow always the best sleep.

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

I would prefer not to.

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse, except for money.

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Accidentally falling asleep on the couch is somehow always the best sleep.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

I would prefer not to.

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse, except for money.

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨